Michael Lohan to Open a Rehab Center

Father Knows Best...

Michael Lohan, 50, is on a mission to open a "faith-based" rehab facility in California.  The famous father of the infamous Lindsay Lohan, has struggled with drug and alcohol abuse himself and has made many public attempts begging 24-year-old Lindsay to get treatment.


Lindsay recently left a court-ordered rehab center and she has denied using prescription drugs and accuses her dad of spreading lies about her to the press.


Prescription drugs?!?  Never!  Marijuana, cocaine, crystal, acid...Alwaaayyys!


"After seeing what my daughter, myself and other people I know have been through, it has led me to realize this is my calling and purpose in life," says Michael.


Usually, when people find something they fail at, it does not become their "calling and purpose in life."  This is why Mel Gibson did not write the book How to Win Friends and Influence People, and Lindsay will never add "acting coach" to her list of accomplishments.


Lohan explains that the proposed center will not employ doctors or conventional medical treatment, instead, it will "focus on mind, body and soul.  It is a spiritual retreat."


It sounds as successful as Celebrity Rehab.  Its run by an ex-drug addict and does not employ any real doctors either.


Lohan continues: "the basis of the rehab will be that there is a God; that good conquers evil; that the best way to live is to treat others like you want to be treated; and treat your body like a temple."


..and the only way to make it to heaven is to ingest a phenobarbital Kool-Aid concoction, laying in our bunk beds in Nike Windrunners, each carrying a five dollar bill and three quarters in our pockets.


Although a location has not yet been chosen, Lohan claims that "the financing is all there" and some staffers are already on board, including Jon Koga, who specializes in kick boxing and yoga training.


All he's got to boast about so far is a fitness instructor?  He's not opening a 24-Hour Fitness.  The last thing someone with lungs and a liver as black and swollen as Gabourey Sidibe wants to do is work out.


Estranged from his four children, Michael says, "all I want to do is open this place and see my family."


What a piece of work this Lohan family is.  The only way they can all reunite is to come together in a rehab center built by their father.  Wouldn't it be easier to all meet up at a Sizzler's or something?


DO YOU THINK MICHAEL LOHAN IS QUALIFIED TO RUN A REHAB CENTER?  COMMENT BELOW...


Read More About Micheal and Lindsay Lohan:
Micheal Lohan Wants DNA Test
Lindsay vs. Michael
Micheal Lohan Nearly Free of Harassment Charge